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Godot's Page: Magic to Fairytale is Like Miracle to Religion

Godot's Page

Gatekeeper to the Theater of the Absurd

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Magic to Fairytale is Like Miracle to Religion

Faith is a tricky matter for the average thinker. It is very akin to the offspring you get when Mindfuck gets Catch-22 wasted on tequila shots, smokes some meth, and has children thereafter. On the one hand, a relative increase in faith can, for instance, be explained by logic as a dire situation that leaves one with nothing but the power of the unknown Almighty to cling on to (read: desperation). However, this logically plausible situation leads to impossibly illogical ensuing beliefs. Long story short, faith is something I cannot touch, because it so often meanders into abstractly philosophical realms, which I very much enjoy debating, and I can’t say definitively that a person of spiritual faith is an auto-idiot. But if you want more than faith, like history or science however...Different story…Bring it bitch...Oh its been brung.

Reading religious texts is a favorite pastime of mine. It’s like reading about Sir Lancelot, or Zeus’ many conquests, or watching star wars. Scores of impressive protagonists, thrilling catharses, good versus evil, super powers, extra-terrestrial omnipotence, timeless comedy, and lastly, conventional wisdom oozing after every comma, period and exclamation! The story of Jonah’s 3 day excursion inside a large fish, or the humorous story of Abraham threatening to kill his son Isaac for no apparent reason (the voices told me to do it), and the story of little Jack who planted magical seeds and climbed a giant beanstalk into a land of wonders... Confusingly similar plot lines. What makes me want to use up my made-up-yet-ever-so-needed 5 lifetime murder passes all at once is the plethora of retards who want to hang me from my balls when I profess my skepticism. Bizarre.

Just as I have done the pizza topping, I have recently rediscovered the moderately socio-religious Arab (read: hung over Arab overwhelmed by bouts of cosmic guilt). In this recent encounter, the moderately socio-religious Arab was a Jordanian Moslem, and a big believer in the social forms that religion so often takes, such as same-religion marriage, or sacrificing goats after a great achievement. He consistently lectures me about monotheistic religion as a means of salvation whilst pouring Russian Standard Vodka down his throat. What is scarier is the collective zombie-like nod of endorsement reciprocated by most others in the sitting. It’s very much like what living in a horror flick written by Franz Kafka about scary American suburbia would feel like. Eerie stuff. “See,” he says, “I am like you, I enjoy Vodka, but I believe Religion tells us what’s right from wrong, what to believe and how to act. It doesn’t say anywhere that I can’t drink, it says I can’t kill and shit, so I don't do it. It is law” Let us ignore the militantly odious train of thought that this man has so horrifically spawned, and let's pretend he is a colossally charming doorstop that shouldn’t offend us.

So let me get this straight, you take literal interpretations of what social interactions should be like from the same tome you read about a guy called Noah whom once upon a time, so craftily filled a wooden boat with a pair from each species and sailed the seas to save the world? The same manuscript a talking snake seduced man to eat an apple. Whatever the fuck that means. Fantastic. Rupunzel’s uber ponytail might as well have made an appearance.

The moderately socio-religious Arab is often in that state of limbo because she is so afraid of venturing introspectively into taboo subjects such as religion, preferring the status quo to the anxiety riddled world of logic that could liberate her of the past umpteen years’ worth of ‘belief.’ She is so afraid of what her findings might be, and how her livelihood could go on if her beliefs were even slightly rendered implausible.

This is not a post against one particular religion; rather it is a post against all forms of literal religious interpretation. Take the stories as symbols, and don’t go out of your way to scientifically prove them. You will fail, and Godot will castigate and then castrate you. Believe in whatever you want to believe in (Godot believes in Vedanta and Nyaya), but don’t do something silly like refute evolution or socially push your beliefs unto others. You are offending your own brain. If you want to have a scientific debate about the subject, I am ready for you, but be very prepared, I will not speak to a retard, unless she is an impossibly attractive nympho. Otherwise, just as I do not interrupt your prayer, hymn singing, wall-wailing, and goat slaughter, please refrain from giving me uninvited lectures on religious morality as I pour my whiskey and wait for that Proscuitto platter while reading Salman Rushdie after I have just finished having condom protected pre-marital sex with America’s Next Top Infidel Model.



Blogger shawermajaaj said...

I would probably have a glass of full bodied red instead, just to compliment my date.

02 June, 2009  

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