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Godot's Page: Re...treat

Godot's Page

Gatekeeper to the Theater of the Absurd

Thursday, 28 May 2009

Re...treat

Be weary of the cool hot chick who is acquiescent to your initial woo. She either has genital herpes, or is on the rebound.

As an adolescent, I always wondered how a flagrantly revolting man like Dennis Rodman consistently schtupped objects of every boy/dirty old adult’s masturbatory thoughts such as Madonna, Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra. One needn’t look further than the feat that warranted his inclusion on every All-Defensive Team of the Year since the birth of Christ…he was the king of rebounds, both on and off the court. The Rebound King was a master at picking up unsuccessfully thrown objects at an arbitrary hoop. Big ups [to your?] Rod. Why else would an impossibly sexy vixen like Carmen marry an ogre with offensively large nostrils? And you can’t say penis size, she could get that sans the shackles.

As a person who is in fact not Dennis Rodman, I tend to shy away from beautifully round, bouncily firm objects falling out of nowhere. The ostensibly charming unrequited cries will, more often than not, divulge themselves in variously wicked forms of un-jazzy sensationalized drama…Don’t do it, because you are not Dennis Rodman, and because drama and lunacy ought to be synonyms…

UNLESS YOU RESIDE IN NORTH AMERICA.


From my experience with women in North America, which I apparently lack as judged by S (stage directions: audience laughs and swiftly heaves upon S), rebound chicks are great. In that geographically bound interchange, bodily fluids are uncompromisingly blocked by a sheath of rubber in exchange for a much-needed bout of temporary amnesia. It is done in jest, and no one gets hurt if the S&M safety guide is being aptly followed.

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