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Godot's Page: February 2009

Godot's Page

Gatekeeper to the Theater of the Absurd

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

...but is the joke on us?? Hmmm...

Oh the parallel universe that is Saudi. The mind wonders if I really want to see them graduating from their stone-age existence to something a bit less offensive. Where else could I possibly look for such high quality material? In fact, I often wonder if this type of behavior is their idea of some elaborate cosmic joke being perpetrated on the universe. It seems as though their logic (dare I use that word) follows the ‘how much more ridiculous can we get?’ trajectory. "Oh wait, I know, listen to this boys, lingerie can only be sold to women by men, there will be no dressing rooms, no public toilets nearby, and hmmm let me see, you have to send pictures to the Mutawa'a so they can approve the image you present your husband with! That’s it! Those Europeans will have a cow after that one." No Reem, no! "We the consumers are" NOT the final decision makers, God is you dumb bitch! Jesus woman, stop insulting the name of Islam or I'll have Mo and the 46 dwarfs over there show you the path of righteousness. And by Joseph, do they leave you stained before you get tossed in jail to lament all possible meanings of the word justice !”

I present you with Saudi endeavors in Mathematics for your examination:
Definition of Tawazi (parallel lines): Khattan mutawaziyan, la yaltakkiyan, ila bi 2ithn ilLahi ta3ala.
(Translation: two lines, that do not cross, diverge, nor converge, unless God wills them to do so).

Dare I say more? How can you miss the glaring comical genius in the above? I am therefore inclined to think that the Saudis are, in fact, ahead of us on the humor learning curve.


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Thursday, 19 February 2009

Stranger Everyday

There is nothing worse than a metaphor overkilled , or an allusion revealed. I will not ruin this one. Suffice it to say that this page is dedicated to the absurdities that have so long become the norm, and the idiots who facilitate this normalization. If at any stage you were taken back to the state of denormalization, even for a second, then I have succeeded. The world got a bit stranger to me this morning as I read this.

What do you get when you cross religion, superstition, idiots, a dog, and a 2 year old? Atleast his kid won't be offended when called a son of a bitch. Bizzare.


Wednesday, 18 February 2009

I, Analogue - Leave Me Alone

My vinyl collection tells me that I am somewhat nostalgic to the hey day of the analogue fantastic, but there is something eerie about this article somewhere between the lines. First off, I don't like how new technology is putting the smart guys and the intellectually challenged closer to parity, and I do understand that naturally, in the long run, the smarter guys should be able to manipulate said technology to regain their proverbial 'lead'. But that implies a new definition of smart doesn't it?

Back to the article, the data banks mentioned will not affect your life a la 'Eagle Eye,' but don't you feel a loss of character, uniqueness and mystique if businesses knew more about you that you probably do, put you in a massive pool of data with other numerically coded nameless meta-strangers, then transmitted that data in small digital parcels to marketers, telecommunicators, monitors, data bankers, and a host of other 'ers' and 'ors'? Is this the Brick in The Wall of our generation? What's next, does the business model move to a personal one? Think of dating, companies recommending who your friends should be, what food you should eat, what pets you should keep...they've already started that based on the idea of 'common friends', but its only a matter of time until preferences, common friends, venue, locale and other factors enter the decision matrix. Sounds a bit paternalistic, and eats away from the whole life experience journey our sweet grannies told us about. Sometimes I feel like moving to a place that doesn't show up on a stupid GPS. Take a gander, its really worth a read.

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Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Paraplegic Israel

I got this article from a very well informed man that works in the West Bank. The writer is clearly a disenchanted leftist, but gives a pretty plausible analysis on the future of the Israeli left, although I wouldn't be as optimistic on the emergence of a new party so soon. Snippets of the articles:

"The conclusion is quite clear: if the "center-left" does not succeed in breaking out of its elitist ghetto and striking roots within the Oriental and Russian sectors, its decline will continue from election to election."

"Such a government will necessarily fall soon and break apart. Thus the public will be persuaded that there is no viable rightist option. Kadima, Labor and Meretz will stew in opposition, and perhaps a real center-left alternative will come into being."

"The two "Zionist Left" parties have been decisively beaten. Both Labor and Meretz have collapsed. Their two leaders who called for the Gaza War and supported it - Ehud Barak of Labor and Haim Oron of Meretz - have received the punishment they richly deserve. In a normal democracy, both would have resigned the day after the elections. But our democracy is not normal, and both leaders insist on staying on and leading their party to the next disaster."

Notice, how in the closing line, the author is following the newly Godot Basha pioneered method of ending your argument with a quote from Greek mythology ;)


Monday, 16 February 2009

Come Again??

I'm not really sure that I'd be stepping over some sort of an invisible moral boundary here, but this girl is a slut. Yeah, sure she’s a child of 14 and everything, but I think you’ve exceeded all of your ho-ish ambitions if there are multiple 12 year olds claiming fatherhood to the child you conceived when you were 13. And what the fuck did the parents think? “The bump? Oh don’t worry dear, she’s been having a lot of those double fudge cupcakes…” Animals. I'm all about the whole libretarianism schpiel of making your own mistakes yackety yack, but I think its safe to say that if the parents have an average age of 13, it is a clear cut case for a moral obligation to abort. Please come at me you neo-con pro lifers out there.

I can only express puzzlement by saying we have reached a new level of what the fuckness…


Sunday, 15 February 2009

Virgin Slammed

Entertaining complaint letter sent to Virgin's Richard Branson...I like how the last paragraph is a euphimism for the plaintiff's defunct taste buds. Also, who takes pictures of their meals?

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R is for Red, or Retarded

It's that time of year again when Saudis take the prize for most retardedly ridiculous establishment on the planet - no offence to the mentally retarded. Banning the sale of roses, heart shaped frames, and lingerie? Ok I'll bite, but censoring the 'I love you' on little Mr Teddybear? Cupid weeps.

Lighten up you stiff idiots. While the rest of the world is out getting laid, you're running around making sure no one is wearing a red shirt, morons.


Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Arab Apathy

At 2000 GMT last night, Israeli polls shut their doors and the official count began. As expected, both Bibi and Livni bestowed their passively camouflaged victory gloat speeches and asked the other to play nice. Not so shocking was the demise of Labor and the emergence of Beiteinu led by Avigdor Lieberman, the man who makes Oriana Fallaci look like a tree-hugging, tolerance mongering, Kum Ba Ya chanting hippie. Its gonna be humorous watching the selected PM mollify the crap out of the other parties to form a coalition government within the 42 day deadline, let alone the ensuing ruckus within the Knesset.

More interesting however, is the lack of interest shown by Arabs towards this, or any previous Israeli election. For all the noise, I have not seen 1 editorial concerning the event. Not 1 ‘pros and cons’ type of article. Not even live coverage of the election. I guess the prevailing sentiment is that whoever occupies office would be a catastrophe piled on the existing catastrophe, degree irrelevant. I wonder if Israeli political campaigns would be at all swayed if Arabs favored a party over another by way of consensus. The slogan of said party would be that of dialogue, and a better barometer of whether or not the Israeli populous wants to engage in some serious chit-chat would be established.

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Monday, 9 February 2009

My Anonymous Helper

Dear Anonymous commentator,
Please spare this page from your propaganda. If you get the urge to let others know about various links on the web, feel free to start your own page, and fill it with whatever cow dung your little heart may desire. If, on the other hand, you have an argument regarding a relevant posted topic, feel free to use any resource to support said argument. For you 3 readers out there, Anonymous plagued the comments section of the last post (titled: Shameless Cronyism and Promotion) with a link that lists shortcomings of various Arab states. Don't worry Anon (can I call you that?), I will explore those shortcomings in many postings to come. I promise, that is one of my many purposes in life.

Finally, while reading this concluding remark, you should be contemplating how sad it is, my dear Anon, that I have to address you like I would an enfant.
Bye bye now.


Shameless Cronyism and Promotion

Aside from promoting my perceived self-importance, 'undefined' would be the best word that describes the purpose of this page. In light of this epiphany, I would like to shamelessly promote a friend's page. I command you to click on that link.


Middle Eastern Metaverse

My thoughts on this piece of news:

Last night, in what proved to be yet another bizarre incident within the Palestinian ranks, a despondent Marwan Barghouti, jailed champion of the oppressed and leader of the up-and-coming al-Mustaqbal party, declared that “not even God himself can convince me to leave this jail cell”. Sifted from an electrifying salvo of incoherent profanities, his statement shocked Israelis and Palestinians from all degrees of the political spectrum. The news followed a press conference held by Kadima’s Tzipi Livni, Foreign Affairs Minister, designated Acting Prime Minister of Israel, and first closet-queen tranny Prime Minister Hopeful, in which she announced the “possibility of exchanging Corpor…eh, I mean Staff Sergeant Gilad Shalit for Marwan Barghouti” in a prisoner swap so lopsided, it makes Marlon Brando’s before & after photos look like a divine act of symmetry.

Reporters from Fateh, Hamas, and the state of Israel (conventionally known as the Trinity) gathered around Barghouti’s jail cell in an attempt to understand his enraged staccato. “I am so hot right now,” said a fiery-eyed Barghouthi, “you want to exchange me for that 22 year old schmuck that got caught trying to reload his rifle? I am the bargaining chip here, I need at least an MP or you can forget winning this election Tzipi.” A couple of cuckoo hand gestures later, the Trinity scurried over to Hamas HQ for a cup of tea, a 1 hour siesta, followed by a quick chat with Golden Boy Gilad to get his view on things. “Elohim!” the distraught Gilad muttered, “how many kills do I need to rack up to be taken seriously in this joint? This captivity thing really bogged down my frag count. I really look up to Marwan though, I hope that one day he will be proud and think me worthy.”

Palestinians and Israelis sighed at each other in confusion before they resumed to kill each other in what otherwise proved to be another normal day on the strip. It is said that Bibi is set to offer more prisoners in exchange for Bargouti’s release to secure Likud’s election, a move that could be seen as a first step forward in decades between the two sides.

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Sunday, 8 February 2009

A Woman's Drive

I received this forwarded email about a young woman who became a friend this morning:

“Dear friends, family and fellow Harvard students,

Recent events have made it impossible for me to ignore the horrific situation in GAZA. The continued 18-month siege has brought unfathomable and unnecessary famine and illness, and a complete collapse of Gaza's infrastructure, including the sewage treatment facilities and desalination plants critical to civilian health. The death toll is no less horrifying. In just 23 days of war, we saw the deaths of 1'285 Gazans and the injury of 4'336, over 43% of which were women and children. Despite this terrifying situation, the Egyptian and Israeli governments are still restricting the border crossings to Gaza and are severely limiting the amount of humanitarian aid that international organizations can deliver. Hamas, the local government, has taken control of the distribution of much of the incoming aid, greatly slowing its spread to the war ravaged population of the region.

I've decided I can no longer sit idly by. I AM GOING TO BE TRAVELING TO GAZA within the next week to distribute small financial allowances to the families that are suffering the most – those that have lost their homes and multiple family members in the war – so they can buy a the food and medical supplies they need to survive. Although I would prefer to simply give them food and supplies directly, border entry restrictions will not allow me to bring those vital items into the area. Instead, I will both be supporting these families financially and accompanying them to purchase the food and medicine that will keep them and their children alive and well. With JUST $2 a day they can buy the basic supplies of rice, bread, flour, sugar, that they need to survive and support their families.

THE SITUATION IS URGENT. Humanitarian aid from the Arab league, UN, and various aid organizations is taking far too long to arrive in Gaza. People are dying now, and there is a pressing need to find a temporary solution until the aid arrives. The credit infrastructure has collapsed, and families can no longer access the money they had saved in banks – ATMs have run dry as families continue to starve. Money is desperately needed and completely inaccessible. Gazans have no ability to leave Gaza to procure anything and therefore I think that my ability to try to provide even the smallest amount of relief is extremely important.

I am not writing to pressure anyone into feeling the need to donate if you do not have the ability (as a recent graduate myself, I can understand being in that position). Instead, I am writing to express my horror at the crimes that were carried out in December and January, and to try to do whatever I can to help the people of Gaza in the only tangible way I can. This is not motivated by my political beliefs -- this is a plea for humanity's sake, for each of us as human beings to do what we can to reduce the suffering of innocent people that have no way of providing for their own families and desperately need food and medical supplies.

My experiences opening schools in Afghanistan have provided me with invaluable skills that I will draw from to ensure the success of this endeavor. I raised over $50,000 and supported the opening of four schools as well as two educational programs in Kabul and the surrounding area. All of these programs are still running today. If you would like to contribute, below are the banking details of my charity account and I will follow up your donation (even $1 is appreciated) with pictures of the families you are helping, and a thank you on behalf of people that appreciate any help that we can give.

IF YOU NEED ANY MORE INFORMATION, wish to ask any questions, I am happy to clarify anything. Below is some more statistical information about what the Gazans need right now. I have one real request, not to contribute, I leave that up to you to decide. But I beg you to forward this email as widely as possible so that even if this does not seem like something that you want to support, you might have a friend that will.

Bank of America
414 Massachusetts Ave, Cambridge, MA - (800) 841-4000
Swift code: BOFAUS3N
Routing number (electronic/direct deposit): 011000138
Routing number (wire transfer): 026009593
name: Belkis Wille
Acc.: 009503512260

Zuercher Kantonalbank
Belkis Wille
8010 Zurich
Acc.: 1127-0065.017
Iban: CH78 0070 0112 7000 65017

Belkis Wille

Sadly, more Europeans are helping out on the humanitarian front compared to Arabs. Support Belkis on her mission, she is a person who truly cares and does not have time for meaningless propaganda. I admire her courage and wish her luck and safety. Godspeed Belkis.

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Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Curse of the Suffix

Stine...Lets keep that glaring reminiscence in the word for irony’s sake. Damn you Luxembourg, you got off easy. Palestine, the only Arab country with a decent sense of humor.


Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Symbol of Disdain

Looks like the Chinese are following suit...Damn it world, you copied our number system, our algebraic findings, many of our ideas on motion physics amogst other things, now leave our symbol of anger alone. Hilarious. Fuckin shoot me.


Monday, 2 February 2009

Ad Hominem

Online debate forums on the Peres/Erdogan catfight echo with the rather sad yet mildly humorous notion that Turkey is in no position to criticize Israel given its own poor Human Rights track record. If you don’t see the humor in that, surf the wikifantastic and learn oh children of Athena.

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The Sons of Palestine Will Be Heard

When it comes to the Palestinian issue, I have often found myself vexed at the apparent public disaffection towards fundamental human elements that are routinely clouded with multi-factional impertinence. It is therefore understandable that debates on the issue would often take on Byzantine tangents, sequestered emotional diatribes, and perennial aftertastes of bitterness that ultimately discourage the mere thought of constructive future discourse. The contemporary triumvirate of arguments that exist in 3 separate galaxies provide a substantive obstacle for a common language to emerge between supporters of Fateh, Hamas, and Israel; this spectrum, of course, is simplified to exclude parties in between and their sub-parties therein. All arguments, on any subject in the universe, carry a series of presupposed assumptions of counterparty knowledge. In plain English, when describing the taste of a ham and cheese sandwich, I am inherently assuming that you know the bread, stuff, bread composition, let alone the individual ingredients that make up those delicious parts. The plethora of arguments I’ve had on the subject leave me with the only conclusion that most do not know the basic elements of the Palestinian sandwich, which only adds to the frustration. Because let us face it, when I retort with the well deserved ‘go read up on the history before we have this debate because I do not want to make you feel stupid,’ it doesn’t really accomplish much. And how do we overcome this issue without putting 80% of the world’s population in a History class?

The Economist poses the question of whether war crimes have been committed in Gaza during the recent spat for lack of a novel sarcastic word to describe this conflict. Despite my affinity to that newspaper, I have to say that article was aggressively mediocre in not adding a rhetorical tone to its lines. So let me get this straight, in order to qualify as a ‘war criminal,’ you need to jump through the hoops and check a few boxes next to some lines describing some very bad behavior. So say for instance you kill 1,300 people, c.50% of which are unsuspecting women and children, do you not qualify for a war criminal medal, or perhaps even an inquiry? What if that percentage was a bit higher? Maybe 90%? What then? It is quite sad that the letter in Article 3 of the Geneva Convention is a testament to its drafter’s admission on it being a tremendously subjective checklist.

The thought of labeling the IDF in its entirety as a War Criminal organization may be perceived as petty considering the bigger picture. However, contemplated retrospectively in light of the relative media silence, it becomes important. If the most powerful Israeli organization carries the motto of “Kee Betachbulot Ta’ase Lecha Milchema” (translated: With Clandestine Terrorism, We Shall Conduct War), shouldn’t it then be easy to expose a single motive behind the notorious fruits of such a mantra? Public sentiment matters and taking the podium to rebut the weaker of Zionist arguments regularly fed to the vapid masses is not an exigent task.

Let me preempt the scores of idiotic comments by saying that I am not a Hamas supporter, nor am I too keen on Fateh, and that the contents of this scribble should not be read in a partisan light. I am here attempting to level the playing ground. The inane public must imbibe the Palestinian self-defense argument with the same ease as they do the corresponding Israeli one. The incongruent public needs to comprehend the clauses of the ceasefire that were broken by Israel with the same ease that it comprehends its Palestinian counterpart– and before you commence the verbal feces, look up the words economic blockade. The public needs to understand, just like they should have in Lebanon 2006, that the invading force is indeed the aggressor. The public must understand how DIME weaponry exceeds the final goal of execution by prolonging pain and mutilation.

Israel on the other hand, must be made aware that its actions inevitably push the Palestinian moderates to the wrong end of the spectrum, thereby tapering what little common ground for discourse it has with Palestinian men of reason. On the flipside, if that push is premeditated, one cannot but infer that Israel has a goal in alienating moderates to launch a more effective, farther reaching PR campaign.

The inescapable Homeric words of Ajax come to mind “row you lazy dogs, Greeks are dying…”

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