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Godot's Page: The Revolutionary

Godot's Page

Gatekeeper to the Theater of the Absurd

Monday, 12 May 2008

The Revolutionary

Sports celebrities are often known for their overt self-praise, grandiose statements, shameless self promotion, and other similar dick activities. Nice, amicable, equitable, and harmless are all characteristics I want to find in a bitch, not the most competitive individuals on the planet. Who the fuck does this guy think he is trying to change centuries of sports etiquette?

On Sunday afternoon, Lewis Hamilton, rising F1 superstar, 2007 Driver’s Championship runner up, and goody-two-shoes dick made a grand statement that warmed the hearts of fans across the globe.

” I am so thrilled with the result and I think this is the best race ever for me," said Hamilton upon finishing second in the Turkish Grand Prix.

Reporters were baffled upon hearing this from last season’s primary contender and winner of several 2007 Grand Prix.

When asked about his reflections on the race, Hamilton gleefully replied:
"It doesn't particularly matter whether you win or not. It's whether you drive 100%, it's whether you extract the most out of the car." At that point, stewards were seen restraining Kimi Raikkonen, who was attempting self-mutilation in the form of eye gouging with an ice pick – (incidentally, the only other record of Kimi expressing an emotional outburst was upon winning last year's Driver's Championship when he exclaimed 'vat eva'). On the opposite side of the room, Max Moseley, who couldn’t seem to control his limbs, began a nancy routine showcasing his robust hip movements…nobody in the press conference could quite decipher his disturbing staccato, but suffice it to say that it was reminiscent of 1930’s reic...I mean Germany...the man wasn't too happy.

Somewhere between Lewis’ profound thought and Alonso's profuse vomiting, the drivers formed a circle, held hands, and sang Kumbayah whilst giving a trademark Lewis Hamilton smile. Anthony Hamilton, Lewis' manager/father (fathager) led a procession of Heal the World following an emotional group hug. Analysts expect the sport to take on an entire new direction in the coming years with an ‘overtake me because you deserve to’ courtesy, a ‘yield’ sign for pitting cars, and an obvious carbon neutral strategy. Some are even putting a half life on the sport’s name with a popular vote indicting “Formula Green” leading the polls, followed closely by "1 Love ".



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